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Published: 6/Feb/2021 11:08by Connor Bennett
YouTuber and former Vlog Squad member Nik ‘BigNik’ Keswani has opened up on his time working with David Dobrik, explaining how the videos and atmosphere drove him to depression.
David Dobrik’s Vlog Squad is made up of a rotating cast of characters, mainly YouTubers, who he has collaborated with for a few years – even stretching back to Vine in some cases.
With any group, there is turnover as people leave and new creators join. Though, in recent weeks, there has been plenty of ‘tea’ spilled, with some former members lifting the lid on the atmosphere around the vlogs.
BigNik, who made his name on Vine back in the day, left the Vlog Squad, and revealed that the constant mocking of him drove him into depression and to reconsider what he was doing.
The former Vlog Squad member joined H3H3’s After Dark Podcast #22 to talk about the YouTube collective, with H3H3 asking if he ever felt the same way as Trisha Paytas, who admitted that the videos gave her suicidal thoughts.
“For a long time, I felt worthless being in those videos. I was like, dude, why am I even like here? What’s the point in my existence because I was just treated like this punching bag,” Nik said. “Everyones just joking about me, mocking me, and then the fans in public are doing the same.
“I had a good long look in the mirror and I was like wow, I’m really depressed. I realized right there that followers, fame, money, none of this stuff is worth it if I’m getting to the point where I don’t even want to live.”
While Big Nik admits it was a negative time for himself, he’s used that time to change around and put a positive spin on things, using it as a growing experience. “Honestly, I’m kind of glad I went through that because it kind of broke the way I viewed success,” he continued.
The former Vlog Squad member explained that he equated success with money, followers, fame but realized, even though he had that stuff, he was “more depressed than ever” but that broke the myth of fame to him, in turn helping him become more mature.
He also noted that he’s spoken to Dobrik about his experiences and the two are on a good footing, but it was the constant sniping and piling on from other members that didn’t help his cause.